A Good Grade in Clinically Significant Psychological Suffering
Something that is normal to want and possible to achieve.
This is inspired by this tweet by VoynichSolver. It's stuck with me since I saw it and it's been an important...framing of my reactions to things.
On top of having DID, I am also autistic. I have a few other physical health conditions, but nothing terribly disabling.
Unfortunately, my mental conditions make coping with even minor physical discomfort a complete nightmare. I am clean but not to the degree that my skin conditions demands me to be. Household chores are draining, and don't get me started on relationship stress–especially when it comes to my biological family.
Practically every big change in my life feels distressing. If it isn't distressing, it comes with a maelstrom of mixed emotions. Having many parts to manage is distressing when we can't seem to decide on how to react to things, and gauging our reactions and making a decision moving forward means. That I am in a constant state of decision fatigue.
Deciding on whether or not to quit a job requires an internal intervention, interacting with family is a constant balancing act since we all have different ways of responding. All of this is compounding into stress that I'm not sure how to cope with lately. I struggle to sleep and eat on a regular schedule. There is a constant tension in my neck and shoulders. My eyes always hurt. I never feel "right" in my body.
I wish there was an easy answer, but I do feel like I'm constantly existing "incorrectly". Mostly moping about this after having a rough interaction with my mother today because my time isn't worth respecting.