Coping With Inadequacy
I'm a bit late on a deadline with work. I guess "late" isn't the right word, but it feels like I haven't gotten it to the right amount of detail that we need it to be. I feel like it's inadequate, even though I did everything my supervisor asked me to do.
Depression and anxiety have been making things much more difficult for me, lately. I can't focus. Every day feels like I'm drowning. Even with therapy and ACT, I feel like I'm on the wrong track everywhere. I'm anxious constantly and I can't seem to calm down, even with journalling and blogging and streaming combined and allowing myself time to myself, there just aren't enough places for me to put my feelings. I accept and observe my feelings, but I feel that I'm even coping with them wrong because of my mounting resentment and feelings of neglect. Was it so bad of me to think that maybe someday the one I loved would have better understood me? I guess it was too much to ask for.
Is there something deeply broken inside of me? Will I ever feel adequate again? Am I going to be like this forever?
Update: Work meeting actually went well. Br handled it and we might even get more hours before this position ends.
- Listening to: Lost Verdania by Christopher Larkin
- Reading: I'm Working On It In Therapy by Gary Trosclair
- Watching: A Silksong livestream
- Playing: Umamusume: Pretty Derby
- Eating: Granola bar
- Drinking: Green tea